I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
