i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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