remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
