O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
