She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
