my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
