I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
did i walk over a car last night?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
