It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
