I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
