i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
