Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
