She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
