No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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