My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
