Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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