I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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