Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
