i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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