I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
