hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
