the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
