I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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