I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
