You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
