eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
