So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
