Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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