she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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