Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
