I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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