never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
