yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
