if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
