Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
