Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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