I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
