TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Everclear isn't food dammit
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
