Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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