Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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