either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
