Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
