I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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