Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We don't watch enough power rangers
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
