my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
