I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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