He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Oh god it's open bar.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
