we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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