JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
