I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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