just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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