so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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