so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just had sex on a roof
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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